Quick Post

I just realized that I forgot to post today.

One day, to seven days, to eleven. I don’t know if I can make it that far.

That’s all I have time for today.

In fact, that’s really all I can muster for a thought process. Damn.

Movies and Savings

Today I finally got to watch Public Enemies. It was a packed house, and was apparently full of Johnny Depp Junkies who laughed at his every mannerism and eye roll. As I am not a JDJ, I did not participate and in fact found it disturbing. That ain’t Jack Sparrow up there, kids.

As for the movie, it went on way too long, dragged in the middle a bit (and I may have slightly dozed off), and by the end I decided that I really didn’t care about any of the characters. Alas. So… I guess it was a Michael Mann film. Mind you, it wasn’t terrible; it just wasn’t great.

This weekend, since I have nothing else to do, I watched all of the Back to the Future trilogy and Ghostbusters. The former is still fun, and the latter is a bit wooden. Still, they’re all good movies.

Before Public Enemies, Johnny Depp said you have to keep moving forward. A penny saved is a penny closer to salvation, I suppose.

Today

My original plan for today was to waste a good chunk of it watching Public Enemies, but the cool theater I go to was super-packed. I guess I’ll go tomorrow, when the rest of the country goes to barbecue. I have no other plans. Sigh.

Bookending this disappointment, I spent the morning asleep and watching old movies and I spent the afternoon cruising around town checking out some new places I had not been to yet.

I still get lost.

For lunch I went to the local quirky, probably touristy Tex-Mex joint. I still think Tex-Mex is a middling and lame substitution for my years of upbringing on New Mexican cuisine, but a couple of places I’ve been to actually make a decent chile relleno that’s different from what I’m used to.

This is probably tasty treason.

I’m supposed to spend the entirety of next week in the not-so-fine boredom of some really lousy Houston suburb for work. I fantasize about going AWOL. I think this is a definite problem.

I wish I was good enough, confident enough, to just quit.

This evening I researched the mysteries of the world and wondered if I’m going to figure out what the heck I’m trying to find.

I still can’t write a decent post.

Sneaky Weekend

I have been so focused on other things that I forgot that this weekend came early this week. I have almost no plans lined up for what is supposed to be a festive time. It would be easy to be disappointed, but those thoughts would only help topple an already unsteady house of cards. It is best to stick with the steady blah.

Well, I can’t seem to write a decent post either.

My only real plan is to go see Public Enemies tomorrow. My expectations are pretty low. I like Christian Bale, but I’m not really a big Johnny Depp fan. The last time I went to the theater to see a Michael Mann film was Mr. Mann’s last flick, Miami Vice. I am fairly certain that I fell asleep in the middle of that film, woke up about an hour later and had missed nothing. What a miserable film. Anyway, Michael Mann is rather hit or miss, which is strange because his films really aren’t all that different in tone. Perhaps it’s just one of those quirks.

Pop Goes My Brain

Today I heard ‘Pop Goes the World’ by Men Without Hats! (This is funny if you know the song.) It is an utter cheese song, but it’s cute, fun, and it has a nice chorus. Here was a rough outline of my thought process while listening to this song:

1) Hey, it’s the other Men Without Hats song.
2) This song is cheesy, but I kind of like it.
3) Sing the chorus!
4) Somebody should cover this, because that would be a lot of fun.
5) I wonder if this could be pulled off in karaoke, or if it’s too lame and/or obscure.
6) Who would cover this song in my ideal world?
7) Again, I ask why I enjoy 80s tunes so much.
8) Replay

As I said, this is a rough outline, but what I really take from this is: my mind jumps around a lot. I don’t think I’ve ever noticed it before, but for a laid back guy my brain is always buzzing from one thing to another. This is probably why I really despise repetitive tasks… and repetitive tasks is pretty much the nature of my job. Strike 97, o’ job of mine!

I resolve to research this more.

Speaking of the job, today was a strange mix. I’ll have to elaborate more later.

Strange Days

Strange day. Got a lecture, held my own. Talked it over, need to find the way to move on. I guess I do have people that care. Finally getting things in order. A little tipsy. A little nervous. A little paranoid. A little out of sorts. A little confused on what to do right now.

I have a goals. Will I reach them?

Practicing Vocalization

As dictated somewhere during swatting and dodging giant mosquitos, rolling my eyes at the supposed beauty of a swamp, and being covered in a fine layer of carbon…

Dear KJ,

After a lot of thinking, I have come to the conclusion that I can no longer continue in this job. I do not enjoy it, and I do not see a future in stack testing. I wish to move on and find better opportunities and pursue furthering my educational pursuits. Though I have hung on in this job for three years, most of it was not in the traditional role of stack tester. I was basically a tech writer, a job that appealed to my dogged attention to detail. My old boss RS realized this is where my strengths lay. However, with the move to AUS from ABQ, and the resumption of the traditional stack testing role, I find myself very dissatisfied with my current career status again.

I don’t fit in here at all, and I do not enjoy stack testing. I find the travel tedious and annoying, the job incompatible with my talents, and the opportunities for advancement not to be to my liking. I don’t know if the accident has anything to do with this, or if I never really enjoyed it, but my heart is not into this job anymore. I am leaving to find a new path in life, to go back to school, and to find something I don’t loathe so much. Thank you, and goodbye.

Directions

Let me start by blowing the dust off.

I recently moved, and though my mom keeps asking me when I’m going to move back, I think I’ll stick with it a bit. This is mostly due to there being quite a few things in the city I actually enjoy a lot. Which leads me to my current contemplation: what am I doing with the majority of my time, otherwise known as my job?

I moved due to a transfer at work, and one of the appealing things about it was that I wouldn’t be doing the same things that had bored me to tears. The truth now is that I’m doing the same monotonous crap with more people I don’t really mesh well with. Last week’s examples: 1) I don’t tell you my weekend plans because it’s the weekend and as such my respite from work and 2) Don’t tell me everything looks copacetic at the end of one day and then lecture me that everything is screwed up at the beginning of the next day because you suddenly realized that you never told me what exact format to use, that all this should have been brought up in the TWO proofreadings I had people do, and you obviously didn’t bother looking at it the first time.

So what to do? I used to think that a simple job switch would be answer, but now I’m not so sure. I went to go visit my friend who lives in another city, and met some of his friends that do those things I thought I wanted to do… I just didn’t feel in place, and the part of the city I saw was dull and seemed full of manufactured, ersatz soul. Then again, it was just a glimpse and I’ve been feeling more and more awkward in my own skin lately, but it just didn’t feel right. I’ve been mulling over what to do about this, and wondering if I have the will or the intelligence to find a new path. I fear that I’m not good enough to figure this one out.

My posts are always so saturnine… I should have just wrote about the cars I’m considering to replace my old clunker.

Long Time, No See

I have tried just about everything I can think of to get to sleep tonight. It’s too hot, too humid, too worried. I write instead.

I think about how I got here, literally and geographically. Last week they asked me what I’m up to date on, and I very starkly I saw the number in my head: two years. I haven’t done anything in two years. It is the realization that about 75% of my tenure at this job has been not what I was hired to do. That it’s been two years since I’ve even done the lamest part of my job, two years I couldn’t really stray from, two years in a blink of an eye, and two years that feel like they for all intents were just flushed down the drain. Two years I’ll never get back.

Two years ago I resolved to get home and look for a job that I really wanted; I literally never made it. Instead, everything went completely into surreal Fucked-Up-Ville. Two years later I still find myself feeling I have no future in this job, but now the world is so messed up that I find myself saying that I’m grateful to have steady employment. I’m still stuck; now it’s just a different trap.

Everything this weekend feels piled on and bittersweet. My sense of calm is a distant memory. I think I’m just too stressed… and I can’t seem to sleep in order to recharge.

I vaguely pin my hopes that when it becomes three years, things will finally be looking clearer. I just want to catch some good breaks for a change.

I’m going to try again. Goodnight, what little is left.

And There Were Ticks and There Were Tocks

Somebody asked me what I did today. I basically did three things today; all of them were pretty good. I really think that I’m happy deep down, and that I’m in control at the very least.

I thought I’d take a look.

I said hrmm.

Now I know that I really am past it all. I don’t even need to celebrate. I would not trade places. I wondered again if I should write that note I’ve been contemplating. I’m still awkward; maybe that isn’t so bad.

Maybe someday I’ll feel the need to forgive and wish all the luck. I don’t see it happening anytime soon.

I should write that note.